once in a while, the stars align and the universe is at peace and the storms that brew fizzle out. That’s when a slick jailbird meets a disgraced former beauty queen and love happens. Well, it’s still debatable if it’s really love. If you are the type to add the scandalous Fabiola name to the angelic Anita, feigning love, especially after hosting a lowbrow-for-kikubo pimping show, ought to be an easy thing.
And for Meddie Ssentongo, snuggling into Fabiola’s curves is straying a long way from the Bad Black bleached patches of skin.
So word is out, Fabiola and Meddie Ssentongo want to start a family. A match made in heaven (or sleazy Venom) to set the fires of hell.
First, let’s get them a name, the way Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are called Brangelina, the way Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are called Kimye. Now, if we go for Fabimed, it sounds like a cheap morning after pill from India, but heck, Fabiola knows her way around those pills, probably being able to pop them into her mouth to rival an idle taxi driver and his sh500 roasted groundnuts.
So we won’t go with Fabimed. How about Fabintongo? It has a ring to it, you have to admit. It’s better than Meddiola, which sounds kind of mediocre (poetry, baby, poetry!). It even sounds like a part of the brain or strangely a type of running stomach.
Now that we are done with the naming, let’s hop back in bed with our two lovebirds. People say, tabloids never write good things, well here is one good thing to twirl your mind around: Meddie and Fabiola look beeeeyurfuuuu together. Yes, they are fitting.
Now for the bad, a scene we are quite familiar with. Looking good together doesn’t stop their relationship from being a shipwreck in waiting. Fabiola has easily amassed a reputation for being ruthless about the fast life, chasing money and frivolity. Meddie, is a Muslim who strays but knows home. We ought to get the Minister for Disaster Preparedness on this pronto, it’s about to get down!
Meddie has some religion in him. Back in prison, during Ramadhan, he was known to unleash rice and beef bonanzas upon beans and posho weary inmates. Now, on the other hand, Fabiola comes off as someone who only prays when her nude pictures are about to leak. Obviously, God ignored her, she wasn’t genuine and because of that, we saw her in her conspicuously hipless birthday suit. Religion will be a big battle front and if Fabiola prevails, Meddie will join her by the mirror to worship her face.
Money isn’t supposed to be a big issue for Meddie right now. They say that Fabiola is high maintenance but she is light work for him, he should manage. However, her insatiability might be a problem.
You’ve ever seen locusts descend on a plantation and leave only when there is no leaf in sight? That’s what Fabiola might be gunning for. In return, Meddie, will enjoy certain privileges; certain privileges that might warrant getting an Indian pharmaceutical company on retainer fees. But then again, who is to say that the two can’t have cute kids after all the baby-making activity they are bound to be up to? It is human to forget to swallow your morning after pills, you know. That’s how some people came to walk this earth.
They would be happy with a baby. But the baby would probably nod a lot to Shagggy’s Why Me Lord. That song is the official dedication for anyone caught between a rock and a hard place. You have a pretty screwed up future if your mom has had pictures of maggots strolling (they were not crawling; when you give maggots such freedom, they tend to take more liberties) around her house in the papers. You need to apply for adoption if your dad’s name is tattooed on Bad Black’s skin.
The thing about this relationship is that it’s like playing a card game. You never know what you are going to be handed next. But one thing that is for sure is that there is going be drama. It’s going to be quite a drag race; some enterprising person should start up a betting company for people to bet on who among the two will cheat first. They could also be a category for how long the relationship will last. Over and under!
Do you know someone else who has it bad because of this flimsy union? The writer of this piece! I mean, how do you go home and tell your wife that the bread on the table has been paid for by an article about Meddie and Fabiola going against the advice of the United Nations to get engaged?