By Tom Rwahwire
I. So, how did he vibe you? Did he tell you, “Baby, I’m a Prince.”?
Ii. Now, as an American who is marrying into British monarchy, will you stop celebrating Independence Day?
Iii. What is this nonsense about simanyi Blake Shelton being the sexiest man alive? Are you Americans all without exception crazy?
Iv. You are black American, meanwhile, but you don’t really look it. Did he know?
V. He is fifth in line to the throne. He was third, but then his big bro got two kids, and they overtook him. And gwe, those people of that family don’t die. Just know you are never becoming queen. Oh. This is supposed to be a question. Do you know that you are never becoming queen?
Vi. But if it ever happens and your kids become monarchs, that will be a part black, part America from your side, and his dad is Greek, his mum is half German… Eh. Just know that kid will have to colonise the world again, right?
Vii. You were in a show called Suits. The dvd guy told me it was a “sirry called The Shoots”. But when I put it in the deck there were no guns so I stopped. Was it any good?
Viii. Have you met Prince Phillip? What did he say?
ix. Is there anything more American than having a racist father-in-law?
x. Have you watched Get Out? I am imagining Get Out in Buckingham Palace.