Beauty meets beast

Beauty meets beast



Chameleone and Daniela
If these two were to cast in a United Nations High Commission for Refugees advert, Chameleone would play the malnourished kid in a war torn area and Daniela would play the rich philanthropist moving in to rescue the impoverished kid. The evolution of Chameleone’s looks is still puzzling scientists; the more money and success he attains, the more he looks starved and tortured. He has a blotted skin texture. His coned toes seem to move in different tributaries. The compromise for Daniela, according to many of her friends, was the promise of fame that dating Chameleone came with. In short, Daniela is a marriage martyr.


Shiba Kasami and JACK PEMBA
They say that a woman will kiss many frogs before she can find her prince. We are not saying that Tanzanian mystery tycoon Jack Pemba looks like a frog (we shall leave that to you the reader), but Shiba Kasami is currently kissing her frog. We are not sure if she is holding out for her prince but from the look of it, Kasami has found her knightly prince in shinning armour. So we shall keep our opinions to ourselves, just like you should.



Bobi and Barbie
Bobi’s face is defined by his mouth. You cannot define his looks without mentioning his mouth. When growing up, the feature for identifying the Kyagulanyi household was “Wali ewabera omwana wo mumwa” – a home where there is a boy with a large mouth”. Bobi looks better when he is singing a slow, mellow song like Adam Ne Kawa. The big mouth managed to serve its purpose; he managed to convince her to be his wife. In all this, you might be wondering why we are insisting on the mouth because you will argue that Barbie’s mouth is also huge. But Bobi’s is too huge, we insist.


Jackie Chandiru and Mzungu
If Chandiru quit singing, she would be a teacher in archaeology and European history. She lives with, eats and makes love to history. She went back to the prehistoric times and re-awakened a sleeping dinosaur – Nol Van Vliet. Caleb Alaka, her ex is the kind friends can describe as, “he has an interesting face, he has a good heart” for fear of upsetting you. Before you introduce them to your parents, you begin with phrases like, “we are all perfect because we are all God’s children created in his own image.”


Dr Hilderman and Cissy Kiyaga
Dr. Hilderman cried profusely at his wedding. When we cry at such events, the tears are often attributed to overwhelming joy. But sometimes we cry because of other things. We are still finding out why Dr. Hilderman cried. It might have nothing to do with why they are a part of this article. So until we have carried out a solid investigation, we shall just let them occupy space for the sake of it.


Gilbert Bukenya and Iryn Namubiru
Gilbert Bukenya’s figure is identical to the sucks of upland rice he promotes/grows. Namubiru, however, managed to manoeuvre her way around this suck of upland rice and found a wetland (lips). These two were far too deep or as Iryn sings “munda eri” that they were snapped sharing what seemed like a kiss and that marked the beginning of the end of Iryn’s marriage. He has also always provided a resting place for her at his lash Katomi kingdom resort.


Mastula Kafeero and Hajji Lugobe
Hajji Fahad Ibrahim Lugobe has that Henry Tigan look; even if you become a millionaire, you remain looking poor. It is a stubborn face that refuses to be transformed by money. While other beasts have successfully subdued their beauties, Lugobe briefly contained his beauty (Mastula Kafeero). But the beauty woke up from his spell and fought its way out of bondage. It nearly killed him in the process. They are perhaps a perfect explanation of compromises that the beauties are making to stay in the embrace of beasts. Once the beast’s relevance expires, the beauty can turn into the beast.


Ronald Mayinja and Aisha
These ones are the face of this feature. Ronald Mayinja looks like he was moulded from clay by a nursery kid trying to create a human being. Aisha, his wife, is evidence that human beings were created by a higher power and evolution. And their union is confirmation that there is a God.


Otafiire and Sheeba Nayebare
Asians believe in reincarnation; that when we die, we shall reappear in different forms – frogs, birds, lions . . . But Otafiire already looks like how he would look when he reincarnates in another life – some amphibian type.


Ronnie Mulindwa and Sharon O
When you see this couple, your vision is immediately impaired and cross eyed. Sharon is like a goddess and Mulindwa, well let’s say he has a face only a mother could love. But despite this blinding difference, the two are a couple with a kid. Ronnie has been beastly in his protection of Sharon, treating her more like a daughter than a lover and mother of his child.


Idringi and Daphne
If man indeed was as a result of evolution, Idringi is still undergoing the evolution process. When you see him with Daphne, his fiancée, you think it is one of his stand-up comedy jokes until you see her nibbling with his lettuce ears.


Pastor Imelda and Kula

When Jesus says yes, nobody can say no. We all said no, but they still ended up together. We have to hand it to Imelda though; she has evolved like her church – from ekiwempe (makeshift structure) to an ultra-modern complex.