Campaigns, banange!

Campaigns, banange!


Life came to a standstill at Entebbe last Sunday as terrorists threatened to attack Uganda and the information filtered through to the Uganda Police. Swinging efficiently into action, the gallant Police force deployed seriously against any and all threats to the Ugandan citizenry.
By some strange, politically inconvenient coincidence, however, it turned out that on the very same day the deployments were made there were many aeroplanes returning that included one carrying a person of interest we have all taken to referring to as JPAM – John Patrick Amama Mbabazi.
The chattering masses went into chaotic discussions over the situation.
By Sunday evening, the plans of the terrorists had clearly been thwarted and no lives were lost — so kudos to the Uganda Police and other security services!
Unless, of course, the plans of the terrorists were to make the Uganda Police and security services come out in force and show themselves, in which case the terrorists won!
We just hope that security has not been withdrawn now that the weekend threat has been averted…


That same day though, and all through to Monday, Team JPAM was both indignant and enraged by the show of force and connected it to the rumoured return of their man from a visit abroad during which he held interviews with international media and other bazungu.
Wrote his daughter Rachel on her Facebook page, “Uganda Police, next time you want to know when JPAM is coming back just call me instead of this public display of foolishness!”
The Police has not responded yet, but it appears they did call her because when JPAM arrived on Monday afternoon they had people on hand to escort him straight to his home without much fanfare from boda bodas or crowds of supporters waving political messages and causing mass public excitement of any sort, confining that excitement to only the social media platforms.

Amusingly, when JPAM got to his Kololo home he addressed a press conference and decried the Police deployments as “intimidation” as well as a “dress rehearsal” for his coming campaign attempts.
But not before aiming for political points with the assembled journalists by humbly undertaking to personally serve them drinking water using his own hands!
The journalists laughed at this gesture and murmured amongst themselves about how during these 30 years past that JPAM has been such a powerful man in Uganda they had never seen him doing anything as ordinary as serving anyone with anything the way he did that day.
“Campaigns, banange!” laughed one scribe at Kololo.

Campaigns make great men do humble things, we all know, and on that very same day we saw photographs of Burundi President Pierre Nkurunziza riding a bicycle to his polling centre to cast his vote.
Of course, he doesn’t ride bicycles in his regular work setting so we know that Barundi were generally unimpressed by the gesture — just as the journalists at JPAM’s home should not expect him to be serving them water very far into the future.