Ever wondered what goes down in the South African based big brother house? Well, every Thursday, former Big Brother Housemate, Kyle Kushaba will be taking us back to that house. What goes down there. The, toxicity, serenity, sanity, nudity and other feats you can think of that end with “ty”. He will be giving us a blow by blow account of what happened there during his time. Which is a #throwbackreally. And when best to serve it, if not the #ThrowBackThursday!
Kyle: My Big Brother Africa Journey (April 1st to August 10th, 2012)
It was a Wednesday evening. I had just finished doing my TV Show (Skizzy) on Urban TV which I co-hosted with the fierce Sheila Mercedes Sempebwa, one of my best friends from Childhood Mariat Candace Nasasira. When a fan of the show, Janette Lutaaya , who we actually auditioned to do the fashion bit of the show (but later bailed out,) came to the station and convinced me that that year’s Big Brother auditions had just been announced. I honestly had never thought about the whole idea of my life being on TV 24 hours around the clock. Being a Pastor’s son, that would have an impact on my family, especially my Pops. Mayhem!
Little Miss Lutaaya, one of the fiercest hustlers I ever met convinced me to be her partner, as the auditions were all about coupling up. She picked the forms and brought them to The New Vision where I had just finished filing a Features Story I had done about Kasanga Hospital in Bwera, Kasese. I looked at the forms and we started brainstorming on what to fill in the blanks. There was one thing that I looked at and knew nobody else would think of to fill on their application forms. This was all about fast thinking for me and I proposed it to Janette, which she bought with sheer elation. We had to create a story that never was. We had to make sure that our application form shows that we are in a very open relationship where we were allowed to date other people but always find time for our freaky sexual desires. Hooray! We wrote it down and felt orgasmic about it and waited.
All the time, Janette kept me updated about the progress of the show auditions.
Finally, the D-Day was upon us. Auditions were on a Friday from 9 am, a very bad timing for me because I had a TV show to do from 10 am to Midday. I thought I wasn’t going to make it but Janette went to the venue early enough to book a position. We were the 112th couple to register. I dashed into the audition lounge at 12:48pm, luckily enough we were far from auditioning as the judges had just done 40 or so couples. We sat and waited, a long excruciating wait as I stared at all the big names in the Entertainment industry leave the audition room all excited. I thought we would never beat these guys, so I held on to my faith as I prayed to God with Janette holding my hands, that girl prays, by the way. That kind of anxiety can make you pee in your garments.
Finally, our turn came at 6:13 pm and there we were, two very young excited kids. I was 24 at the time and Janette 20, an age below the required age of 21. But of course we lied! Guess what we entered the room and everybody thought we were too young but forget that, none of the judges had seen what was about to happen on that floor!
I had never felt that good in my life, even my first lay was not close to this! We were the only couple to get a ticket after 4 pm. Everybody looked at us in awe. We had made the Top 50 Couples. This was in itself an achievement for both of us.
I remember a white lady who asked me to sing for her, the crooner in me had just been unleashed, she loved me and told me how good I was and how Janette was a gem of sorts. Immediately I called my 2 best friends Nigel M. Nassar and Agaba Humphrey who were waiting home (Kireka) watching The Bachelor to inform them of the good news and instead of waiting for me to get home. They drove our best Rav 4 (Oh, Nigel’s car by the way) we had christened “Tumukunde” (Named after a girl, of course) to come pick me at The Sheraton, this is when I realised these guys were my true friends. I mean who leaves watching an exhilarating episode of The Bachelor, with all those naked women to come pick a lousy skinny head from a hotel he had only read about in papers and seen from the taxi on the red light district street of Speke?
Next Week, I will take you into the thick of things.