How to survive the ’60 days’ of January

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By Hussein Kiganda

As last year waved goodbye, its elderly stage left many spending cash like there was no another day. As per now, January has hit their pockets like the wild fires in Australia. Whoever you find wails over pocket emptiness though many have started devising solutions on how to survive. We look through diffrent ways in which people are surviving the January.

CHAPATI THE NEW PIZZA

Many people thought chapati was just an escape plan for some low income earners but it seems that at the moment, it is eaten by most of the people in Town. Unlike those in Suburbs, people working in town now eat chapati with meat sauce to feel the taste of a pizza but it does not change the fact that it is chapati.These days even local chapati sellers are adopting the new trend. You want such chapati, try asking those at Nasser road.

Chapati has become the latest escape plan in January as wallets are empty (Photo: Online)

Tonninyira alongside the road is the new business in town that would give anyone faster profits. We were wondering why these days people are so prayerful but we found out the secret behind it. They are targeting lunch hour fellowships to look after their bellies first then the spirit will feed afterwards.

FOOTSHUBISH A UGANDAN INVENTED VEHICLE

In this January, Toyota, Hilux, Mitsubishi and other car brands must be finding trouble in sales. We pray Taxi operators will not sell their cars to join Clever J in brick making because nowadays people are using their feet to come to town for work. The volumes of crowds of people who used to walk to town from nearby suburbs like Kibuli, Namuwongo, Nakawa, Nsambya, Makindye and others, has increased in these days. Those who perferred following the histories of the Indian coolies and the Uganda railway use that chance to utilize the Uganda railway. Some of those from Gayaza, Nansana, Portbell, and other places take advantage of those lorries that carry sand, bricks and matooke. You find them at night lining up at city square waiting for the lorries.

BEERAKO, THE NEW AIRTIME BUNDLE IN TOWN

If these telecommunication companies scrap of this service in this January, the whole police battalion may be deployed to curb a never ending strike. Just like “togikwatako” campaign, this would be a “mugizzeewo”. Many people around town don’t even load airtime on their lines, they use mobile money agents to buy for them the data bundles because they have debts on the line and also took morecash(MTN) and Airtel Wewole(AIRTEL) We hope they will not be like Sheilah Gashumba.

As last year ended, one post on a popular blogger’s account would be in a thousand likes, but now, even to get 500 likes, it is a tag of war. This means social media is being used less. The viral comedy videos on WhatsApp no longer get shared. Who would even download a video of 50GB of which he got from beerako data to share it with a friend whom he knows is currently offline?

FASTING

If people’s heart would be opened wide and tested for belief, testers would jam and almost most of those in churches would confess the heat of January. Most of the people fast during January in the guise of belief. We thought for Muslims, Ramadhan would be a round May or June but the way some Muslims fast these days, one may think it is Ramadhan. And for some christians, everyday is a prayer and fasting day. Others may have become monks because beef is their last thought.

You can resort to fasting to beat the January blues

NEW AND MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIPS

With ladies, this is their favourite game whenever their pockets cry. While in Banda, one slay  quin told Kampala Sun that in this January, she just got three new boyfriends in order to survive the poverty heat.

” I have so far got over seven men trying to approach me and I first refused, but in order to keep up with rent and food, I accepted three of them. I swear this January will make me give up on Kampala,” she said.

So ladies have got new boyfriends to survive.

For men, many are lying to their girlfriends that they went to the village yet they joined with friends and are now renting together to cut rent costs. We found a group of men(6 in number) in Kibuli who had newly rented one room of 150k.

HAIRCUTS

These days we are wondering why many days are becoming shaolin temple fans. They are cutting haircuts that minimize on costs. Some have bald heads, others have memorized Topic Kasente’s ” kimemeya” like its a Bible verse. Lucky for the Muslim slay queens who just throw on veils and jilbabs. We hope they will not go back to their old ways ways after this sweep of poverty.

SMARTNESS A VEIL OF BROKENESS

These Makindye celebrities will make someone own a boutique in dreams. They are indeed very smart these days but when you ask any if he or she has credit on the phone, he or she will pretend he didn’t hear, because of the white coloured earphones he bought at 5k in down town last year. You will find a gentleman walking on streets yet his wallet is full of papers like Don Bahati’s bag was full of mivumba.

LEVELS OF BROKENESS DIFFER

If you were broke to the level of selling your clothes and you heard tycoon Don Nasser’s brokeness, you would pick up a stone and throw it in the heaven cursing God for who you are. Tycoons like Don Nasser, Sudhir, SK Mbuga and Sipapa have their own levels. You may hear him say,

” I am very broke this January, I will not give out a Benz to the public but will rather give out a MarkX…,”

You may even wonder if this is brokenness. As others suffer, there are many that don’t even recognize January a the way others do. Some can afford lunch at Serena and Supper at Hotel Africana.

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