By Fred Muhumuza
It is an age old question. Does size really matter? Over the past month, we have been inundated with banter about Masaka tycoon Emmanuel Lwasa’s less-than-average-size member after a nude video purportedly of him leaked.
It is now a public concern. The boy child is under attack. All men with rat bellies; those who appear like they need to stand before a mirror before shaving the nether regions have a new name, Lwasa! It doesn’t matter that some of the people throwing shade have nipples the size of mosquito bites. I thought I would let this subject slide until someone took to social media to suggest that Lwasa’s member is so small, if his partner sneezed during the act, it would pop out!
All men with rat bellies; those who appear like they need to stand before a mirror before shaving the nether regions have a new name, Lwasa! It doesn’t matter that some of the people throwing shade have nipples the size of mosquito bites
In our male psyche, size is linked directly to performance. Engage in any conversation with a man in their 20s or early 30s and the overriding theme will be size and stamina and how they disfigured someone.
In Uganda, every man whose nudes haven’t leaked for society scrutiny is a stallion. It doesn’t matter whether some carry sizes that are slightly thicker than an earthworm. Give them an ear and they will regale you with tales, mostly imaginary of how they are stallions! These have no moral authority to criticise Lwasa.
It is so bad that every time a woman is caught in an extra-marital affair, it is generally assumed that her husband drove her down that road because he showed up short in bed!
I am Jennifer Full Figure’s biggest critic. I am lulled to agree with her on the Lwasa issue. She says whereas sexual satisfaction is a woman’s right, endowed brothers are sleeping on job. They are not using their gifts to bring happiness. I don’t know about her sample study, but she reveals that larger members are associated with pain and discomfort which interferes with satisfaction. She compares it to leaving a big Range Rover Sport to find solace in a Vitz.
Outspoken former presidential adviser Tamale Mirundi always lights up as long as the subject revolves around “big bummed women”.
He shares his two cents. According to Mirundi, in previous years, sex was implied. The polygamist with his many contented wives and homestead teaming with young ones was viewed as the epitome of masculinity.
Today, he argues we live in a pleasure generation. Given exposure, young women come into bed with huge expectations. This is why many men who feel they are not properly represented in the penile department are doing something about it through boosters.
“Bigger is not always better. Do you know that large factories are ignited and successfully run when just one small wire is put in the socket?” he rhetorically asked in a YouTube interview with Isaac Katende (Kasuku)
I know multiple egos and reputations are built around the mythical properties of size. There is a thriving industry that is dedicated to organ enlargement and men all over the world have broken their backs in search of compensation for what was believed to be a genetic disadvantage. But why bother? Why would a 50-year-old like Lwasa, with all his money and potbelly, struggle to perform between the sheets? With Lwasa’s kind of money and generosity, my foreplay would constitute spreading money on the bed and usher her to the bedroom.
For the average Kampala girl, that trick will say more than any eloquent lover will do in 1,000 years. The next step will be to grab on my Double Black Label and chew on a cigar as she puts in the effort! Those things of kisses behind earlobes resulting to butterflies that give away to sweet euphoria are for movies! Even then, the pandemic deprived us of such moments.
If you are 35 and above and some lady bores you with the tomalako jibes, just respond that your main concern is kumala – If you get the drift.