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By Kampala Sun Writer

Granted as the years pass, it is expected that human beings will change in appearance. However, there are some people, who change so drastically that if their past selves appeared, they would ask: “Who are you?” Stark difference! Even their relatives would be confused. That’s how incest starts. You think you are with a completely different person kumbe, you, Mulindwa, are with Namulindwa, your long-lost sister. Excruciating Conundrum! Hi, Ebonies 😊.

As our corporate social responsibility to prevent such an… ahem Obnoxious Abomination and in observance of the recent Lost and Found Day, we are reminding you of the original appearance of your long-lost relatives.

While some of you would rather forget your past, Marcus Garvey wrote that a people without knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots. We can only bow and do as asked by the famous Jamaican civil rights activist.

Renzioni Hill
Former Miss Uganda Ella Nantumbwe, you have been Ghanaian fashion designer Okoronkwo’s friend even before he started matching his complexion to his moniker, Lawrence Renzioni Hill. You or Jaylor Birungi will be the ones to lead his relatives to him if they still thought he was the dark-skinned boy they once knew.

The changing faces of Renzioni Hill
A collage of Bad Black

Bad Black
Bad Black aka Shanitah Namuyimbwa is another one. Bad Black was a melanin queen (now she is the queen of some other M) when she hit the social scene 10 years ago, splashing money about. It was not long before she was convicted for defrauding her then boyfriend, David Greenhalgh, a British citizen, of sh11b in 2012. She served four years in Luzira, where she went full throttle on skin lightening. In 2019, she celebrated seven years of bleaching her skin.

The foul-mouthed Bad Black lives and breathes her new skin complexion and nose. Ah what else? Lips maybe. If her former self met her current one, there would be an exchange of expletives, riddled with broken Engrish. There are no guesses on who would win the war. Members of Namuyimbwa’s clan might want to pursue leads on social media.

Peter Sematimba
Our own Michael Jackson, also former Busiro South MP, Peter Sematimba, began by copying the dance moves of his idol. Process by process, a lighter complexion followed. It will only be a matter of time before Pirrra’s skin tone matches MJ’s ghostly white one and he becomes something else. For his whereabouts, ask his former housemaid, Joan Namatovu, who knows him from head to toe.

A collage showing Sematimba mimicking MJ and his more current look
Rapper Enygma

I-Am Enygma
There was nothing enigmatic about rapper I-Am Enigma in 2013 when hunger pangs struck him after a performance. He was just a one Kalule neutralising his stomach acids. Kalule munched those puffed corn snacks like his life depended on them. The catch was he couldn’t have his cake and eat it too. Well, almost.

Those who know the rapper know that he wears a mask to conceal his identity during public performances. On that fateful day, not even hunger could make him take off his mask. He squeezed the snacks through the mask. How it pains to be unique!

If members of the Ngeye clan were looking for a long-lost rapper relative of theirs, they can seek further information from Cynthia Tumwine, with him he used to swap saliva in the Vision Group parking lot those days. He could be the lost sheep. We just hope the kissing used to take place while he was mask-less!

Abdu Mulaasi
Years might have gone, but Aaabuddu Mulaasi, the Swimmingi Puulu master, still looks like something straight out of his early 2000s Kadongo Kamu videos. Save for the more fitting outfits, he still favours basketball sneakers, caps and lots of cheap bulingi. We haven’t seen him in those blinding aluminum foil suits lately though. No need to suffer finding Lasta Smart. Still same old.

Abdu Mulaasi
Mawokota North County MP ‘Hilderman’ Hilary Kiyaga
A dreadlocked Jimmy Akena, a politician, visiting Lira district in 2005 and a more recent picture of his

 

Gossip queen Zahara Toto
Singer Ziggy D at the Vision Group office in 2003 and in 2018
Musician Catherine Kusasira

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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